Why do people gossip?
Obviously everyone has a different reason for gossiping. I have found that people gossip for one of the following reasons:
To fill in the void in conversation
People in general do not like silence. It seems everyone is afraid of silence. That is why sometimes meditation, or quieting of the mind is so challenging for a lot of people. Whenever there is a silence in a conversation, people tend to get nervous and often try to fill in the void by gossiping.
Lack of general knowledge
Not knowing enough about other interesting subjects to talk about, thus resorting to gossip. The society is designed in such a way that people often start specializing in particular professions from an early age. This limits their thinking and their knowledge to that direction only. This is not their fault. There is only so much time in a day and there is so much information pertaining to each profession and increasing so much and at such a rapid pace that it is hard enough just to keep up with it. In the end people seem to acquire a lot of knowledge about their own subject but outside of that, their general knowledge is limited unless they make a special effort. That is the reason that unless the topic being discussed is of their profession, they do not have much to contribute and they resort to gossip.
To belong to a group
If everyone is gossiping and you do not, then you feel left out and thus eventually you join in as well. There is no place that gossip is more evident than a workplace. Everyone joins in the gossiping sessions and it feels like a one big happy family.
Now if everyone is at this gossiping meeting, who are they talking about you may ask? Well, they’re talking about people in the other department. Does this mean that everyone in the other department is so bad? What if you were to get shifted in the other department? What would you do now? Of course, you would talk about the department that you just left.
Now what if you do not feel like gossiping or you are just not that type of a person? Then you do not belong and you are an outcast.
Inferiority Complex
If people do not have healthy self-esteem, they are more likely to engage in gossip. If someone is doing better than them, they feel good by gossiping about that person. People can not just be better, there has to be an unethical, if not an illegal reason. Underneath it all, everyone has a dark side.
How many times have we heard these terms?
- He is getting ahead because he knows whose back to scratch, how to kiss the right ass but I am just not that type of a person. I am an honest and hard working person
- He is getting ahead because he knows how to play the politics
- He gets good grades because he is teacher’s pet
- He knows the art of flattery that’s why he can easily get jobs and get ahead
Also, if people are feeling bad, knowing that there is someone else who is doing just as bad or even worse often makes them feel better. The easiest way to ensure that is the case is to start the gossip or rumour about others.
Taking revenge on people who constantly put you down
We have all known people that are loud and obnoxious. These people like to be the center of attention. If you oppose their point of view, whether one on one or in a meeting or gathering, these people can easily put you down and can turn downright nasty. The person on the receiving side may feel humiliated but unable to offer a comeback may resort to gossip later on. This again goes back to the lack of healthy self-esteem. Person with a healthy self-esteem may take the whole thing as a joke and not think about it anymore but a person with a low self-esteem can easily get offended and remember it for the rest of his life. This does not even have to be in public though it feels worst if you are being talked down to in front of others. There are some people who will constantly talk down to you even if it is just the two of you. Again, either you deal with it one on one with them or bad mouth them behind their back as many do.
Unmasking and showing the real side of people
If everyone believes that a certain person is a really hard working and a good person and you know that to be completely false, do you keep that to yourself or do you set to unmask that person? You know that they are good at one thing and that is exaggerating their accomplishments and taking credit for other people’s work. What if you deserve praise or credit on a project and another ends up taking all the credit because of their “smooth talk”? How do you handle such a situation? In fact you could be assertive and set the record straight or you could set out to show the real side of that person by gossiping about him.
Show the real side of people who get undeserved praise
Just like in the situation mentioned above, what if people are getting undeserved praise? And what if it has nothing to do with you? Do you consider it your responsibility to set the record straight about that person even though they have not wronged you? Do you gossip about that person just because they are fooling others?
To get attention – gossip sells!
If you know something that no one else knows what do you do? Do you wait for the right moment and the right crowd and then share it? This will definitely make you feel special and you will definitely be the centre of attention.
People have been craving for attention and approval ever since the beginning of time and gossiping about others is one way of getting that attention.
It takes a lot of discipline and will-power to not gossip or spread a rumour especially if you are the only one that has some juicy information.
Newspapers even have gossip columns. Newspapers and magazines pay millions of dollars each year to get hold of gossip about celebrities. We are surrounded by gossip and rumours. Gossip sells!
This is part two of the series on gossiping:
- Gossip: Can’t live with it and can’t live without it
- Why do people gossip?
- Advantages of gossiping
- Downside of gossiping
- Are you a tattler, a busybody, a gossiper?
Related posts:
- Gossip: Can’t live with it and can’t live without it
- Results of one day no gossip challenge
- Advantages of gossiping
- Downside of gossiping
- Are you a tattler, a busybody, a gossiper?
- Day 1 and 2 of seven day challenge
- Results of 7 day no gossiping challenge
- One day challenge to stop gossiping
- Day 3 and 4 of 7 day no gossiping challenge
- Gossiping quotes
March 30th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
Hey Ricky,
Very hard but I am getting there. You gave me the best info for my speech. And as I grow up I will grow closer with friend and people, but now it’s hard. Gossiping has tooken over my life, and I know there is more to come. Trying my best. 
You have really inspired me. Know I know why people really do gossip about things. I am doing my own little challenge on not gossiping and I’m counting.
Thank-you For Everything.
<3
Your Reader,
Ilana
May 27th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Hi Ilana,
You are very welcome. I was just writing about my experiences but am very glad that you found it helpful. I am constantly searching for ways to be happy and found gossiping to be very draining and depressing. I still engage in gossip now and then just for fun but thinking about just stopping it for good.
Ricky
July 12th, 2009 at 8:53 am
hi ricky,
I enjoyed reading you views on gossiping.
any ideas on how to deal with people gossiping about u? i have recently broken up with my boyfriend, it was quite messy and he was very upset. i tried my best to be nice to him but have recently become friend with another guy (I SWEAR WE R JUST FRIENDS) none of my ex partner and I’s mutual friends will belive me that nothing is going on with this new man and are constantly disscussing the situation behind my back and with with my ex. feel so let down. I have tried asking them politely to stop but it back fired and they said that it shouldnt be a problem if i have nothing to hide! please help!!
Emma
July 13th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Hi Emma,
Let them!
You realize there are a ton of positive and supportive people in the world. You do not really need these kind of friends.
I realized that a lot of people in my social circle were of gossiping type. And I seemed to enjoy that too until I myself hurt a few of my dearest friends. I’ve had to take a hard look at my life. People we associate with say a lot about us. They’re there because either we attract them into our lives or they’re our family.
Ask yourself why you really need these people. What if these people were gone from your life, what would happen then?
Sometimes when grew up in critical environment/household we tend to attract criticizing people in our lives. Even though people talking behind our backs or even criticizing us to our face feels bad but we stay in that environment. That’s because it feels like home. We grew up amongst these people so that’s where our comfort level is.
We can’t and should not look to change others. It’s all inside us. If we want the world to change, we have to change ourselves.
So, this is what I did.
I started reading a lot of positive books, and started listening to positive tapes. Then I started associating with positive people. But I was in such a negative state that I could not attract any positive people in my life, basically they would not want to hang around with me. So, I joined positive online forums and groups. Eventually I started getting more positive, started to feel a change in myself.
I still have the negative people in my life but it’s down to just casual once in a while “hi, hello” type of friendship. Meanwhile, my friendship with other like minded, more positive people grew. Now even if I meet my negative friends and they try to put me down, I don’t even realize it. I just do not hear any put downs. Only reason I found out they were putting me down was because another friend of mine noticed it. But since I do not hear their put downs it does not affect me. And eventually they just stop themselves because it’s not bothering me anymore.
Well, that was a bit long but I hope it helps. Stay strong and find some positive friends. Life is way tooooooooooo small to be hanging out with losers who’ll drag you down.
And you know if people think there is something going on between you and your friend, so what?!
I think your breaking up with your ex may turn out to be good since now you’re seeing him and his friends in their true colour! I ask again “do you reallllllllly reallyyyyyyy need those people?!”
Are they paying for your mortgage? Are they supporting you and your family? If you’re unemployed and end up losing everything, are they the ones who’re going to be there for you to support you? What if, God forbid, you become disabled or handicapped, are they going to support you, be by your side? Is it because of them that you are where you in your life?
If no, then who the hell cares what they think or say?!
July 15th, 2009 at 5:05 am
Hi Ricky,
Thanks a lot for ur comments, its made it clear to me that i dont need these type of people in my life and i am now going to put my efforts into friends that really do care about me and dont act like children.
Thanks again for your kind words.
Emma
July 15th, 2009 at 8:17 am
You’re very welcome. Best of luck Emma.
July 28th, 2009 at 3:19 am
that was very useful,thanks
July 28th, 2009 at 8:55 am
You are very welcome Farouk
Thanks
October 16th, 2009 at 1:13 am
I had a big spiritual awakening a few months ago & it dealt with gossip & backstabbing at work. I am dating one of my co workers & a girl I called friend told me my man was cheating with this other girl who worked on his shift & @first I fully believed her until I saw her true character. She was sharing this “info” with co workers be4 she even told me & was laughing about it behind my back. She was buddy with the girl & talked 2 her like they were the best of friends. If he did cheat,I don’t kno what hurt worse,his act or the fact the person I thought was my friend was gossiping, laughing & befriending the woman she claims was seeing my man. It was the most traumatic thing next 2 death of family I had ever experienced. I knew she loved 2 talk about people & tear them down for laughs but I was foolish enough 2 believe she wouldn’t do me! I was DEAD wrong! It was the worst thing But the best cause now I’m so much stronger & happier cause I no longer gossip & take part in conversations to bring a human being down. Every time I reject negative ,positive comes back 2 me ten fold. She is still the same But I think my new attitude rubs off on her when I’m in her presence which is good but she always results back 2 what she does best. I smile about it though cause I know now how unhappy she is with herself & she wishes she had my self awareness & bravery 2 do what’s honest & moral.
October 18th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Wow! I’m very impressed at the way you turned yourself around after this incident. You did not go down to her level and started bad mouthing her but instead you actually noticed how much hurt and pain gossiping could cause and took it completely out of your life.
That’s very inspirational. Thanks for sharing your story with us.
July 15th, 2010 at 9:45 am
i think gossip is universal. please i need a gossip mate.
thank,
July 17th, 2010 at 6:58 pm
hehe.. gossip is one thing that is definitely universal! Just make sure you don’t get caught up being the victim.