Challenges with affirmations
I’ve been using affirmations for years and majority of the time without any positive result. The affirmations that are playing in the background in my mind, without any conscious help from me seemed to be the only ones consistently working and producing results (negative that is) 
But consciously repeating affirmations have been very disappointing to me.
One famous affirmation is “I love myself!” I’ve repeated this affirmation hundreds of times daily without any result showing for it.
What is your mother tongue?
You maybe fluent in English but what is your mother tongue? Try repeating the affirmations in your mother tongue and see if that makes more impact.
What language do you think in?
Even if you speak English, you have to find out what language you think in. What language do you dream in? I think and dream in English so it’s much better but there have been instances where these English affirmations had no effect on me.
What language was used when you were a child?
A lot of our negative self talk is basically just a repetition of what adults around us used to say when we were kids. If adults told you that you were no good, that you were lazy, that’s what you’ll notice yourself affirming to yourself subconsciously.
In order to effectively overcome those negative affirmations, you have to find out when it all started. By that you should be able to find out in what language were they spoken to you. That’s the language you want to use to combat those negative affirmations.
Even if you speak English fluently and even think and dream in English now, language that was used when you were a child has a very strong affect on you.
Do these words even mean anything to you?
Affirmations such as “I love myself”, “I love everything about myself”, “I forgive myself”, “I approve of myself” did not produce any kind of emotion in me. I kept repeating them over and over but nothing happened.
I even tried repeating these affirmations in my mother tongue but still nothing.
Louise Hay gives examples of people starting to use affirmation (while looking at themselves in the mirror) “I approve of myself” and how they got so upset that they started crying, some of them threw the mirrors away, some of them yelled and screamed and ran out! I would be ecstatic if I had emotions like those. It would mean that I’m getting somewhere.
Why was that?
I finally realized it was because the words such as “love”, “forgive”, “approve” do not hold any meaning to me. I was brought up in a culture where these words are taboo, they’re just not used, or they’re just used so commonly that they lose their meaning.
I might as well be affirming in Chinese because that’s what these words were to me.
So, I tried using words such as “I like everything I do”, “I like everything about myself” and now I was able to feel a little bit which was still infinitesimally more than before!
Before repeating any affirmations just ask yourself if what you are affirming even has any meaning to you. If it doesn’t, like in my case, then find out what would work, what evokes any kind of emotion in you that is similar in nature. Emotions could be negative or positive, doesn’t matter, as long as there is some feeling evoked by using those words
I’ve had to do a lot of experimentation on every single affirmation. I repeat it with feelings and strong emotions and in different languages to find out what works better for me.
So, don’t give up on just yet. There are challenges with affirmations but if done properly they can be very rewarding indeed!
Related posts:
- Using affirmations
- Subliminal tapes and audio affirmations
- Self conversation: Talk to your best friend
- What is the cause of depression?
- How to instill new beliefs?
- Real estate investors’ meeting
- Therapies for depression
- Changing my emotional state
- Debt: How do you feel about debt?
- Negative Feelings associated with debt
July 3rd, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Hi Ricky,
I have another idea. Our subconscious brains (the part that really controls most of what we do and think) don’t know whether a dream is really happening or not, and they don’t know when they hear something, whether we are saying it or it’s being said to us.
Arjuna Ardagh suggests that we say good things to others every day. I think this is so that we hear those good things ourselves. Try complimenting others and see what happens. If you really believe someone played a great tennis game, say, “Great game.” If you believe someone has a great car, say, “Great car. Good for you.” And so forth. Perhaps this will have more effect than saying things that you don’t seem to have any emotional connection to.
See what happens….
- Nancy
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July 3rd, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Thats a fascinating idea about differences in languages – I never thought of that.
I too have had bother finding the right affirmations. It must be that one might suit one person but not another. You obviously have the same type of mind I have. If I tell myself ‘I love myself’, my subconscious says ‘Hey, what sort of weirdo are you?’ But if I say something else like ‘I am healthy, fit and strong’ or ‘I am greater than this, I can handle it’ my mind is happier. Or is it just me who’s strange?
Keep ‘em coming.
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:49 pm
I just figured that if affirmations were working for so many people and not for me there had to be some reason!
I was also involved in EFT at the time. I’ll write about my experiences with EFT as well in future posts. It’s during that time I learned about languages and affirmations and autosuggestion.
If you get any kind of a reaction from your subconscious mind when you repeat any affirmation means the affirmation’s having an effect. So, it’s all for the best.
When I repeat “I love myself” I don’t get anything from my subconscious mind. It’s just blah.. totally blank, nothing!
If you’re getting strong resistance from your mind, either you want to keep repeating affirmations with strong conviction or start softening that resistance.
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
@Nancy – I’ve tried this method a while back but it didn’t work out for me quite as well. I ended up feeling that everyone was much better than me because I was pretty insecure to begin with. This just made me feel even more insecure.
Also, because of my insecurity people started taking me for granted since I was always nice to them. I’m sure it has worked for others but didn’t for me.
So, definitely something that one could try and test for oneself.
July 14th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Interesting point. Guess what: when you felt that everyone was better than you, you were right. However, when you feel that people are taking you for granted, where I assume you just mean that they were taking advantage of you, that just means you need to weed out your ‘friends’.
July 15th, 2009 at 8:22 am
Friends are already being weeded out.
July 15th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
I’m not sure that you got my point. If you feel that people are correct in assuming they’re better than you, then, at that moment, you can’t compete with that notion. If someone challenged you to a literal arm wrestle at that moment, your negativity would defeat you, therefore they are better than you. I suppose it’s worth injecting a plug for ‘Over the Top’, a good Stallone movie from the 80s.
As for your weeding out your friends, you just need to be more careful with that term, and what you call a friend. It’s comforting to hear yourself say that you have lots of friends, but that term should refer to more than just people you spend a lot of time with.
July 16th, 2009 at 8:14 am
So, what is a friend? Is a friend who is there for you whenever you need him? Or is a friend who encourages you to be the best that you can be? Or is a friend who’s always there for you emotionally and financially but because of his innate need to prove himself also keeps reminding you that he’s right and you’re wrong? Or is a friend who’s always there for you emotionally but, because of his need for approval, in front of others will put you down? Or is a friend someone that you’ve just known ever since you were a kid and you’re attached because of history? Or is a friend someone who’s always there to listen to you and offer his ear but then use that knowledge later on to keep an upper hand on you? Because I have different friends with all of these qualities.
You see it’s a very loosely used term.
These days, I try to associate with people who make me feel good by being around them. That doesn’t mean feeling good by doing drugs or alcohol. That also doesn’ t mean people who’re nice, polite in front but back stabbing when I turn around. But genuinely nice and positive people who encourage me and are on the same path as me.
July 16th, 2009 at 10:51 am
My point exactly. You need to be quite precise when you use the term friend.
A friend isn’t much more than this:
1. someone who is always there for you
2. someone who will not lie to you or be afraid to give it to you straight
3. someone you have fun with because there is inherent trust (i.e. not the way you have fun with co-workers for instance, where you have to watch what you say)
What you have are acquaintances with different attributes, not friends with different qualities.
July 16th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
Very neat point about different languages. It’s like when people immigrate to, let’s say Canada, in math class they may say ‘if you have a pie cut into 8 pieces and you give a quarter to your friend, how many pieces of pie do you have left?’ the equation might be simple but the kid may not understand what a ‘pie’ is because they don’t make pies in some countries!
As for weeding out particular ‘friends’ in your life, it is important to get rid of the ones that are extremely arrogant, and think they know everything and postulate that 24/7 & don’t realize at all how cocky they are. Those type of people generally will heighten your insecurity because they will always put you down because they themselves are insecure but don’t realize it.
August 24th, 2009 at 5:44 am
Hi Terry,
I am afraid that I am one of those people who is “sure” of my thinking and my intuition and I know that it can be “off-putting” to say the least. I try to keep quiet in a group discussion so that others can feel comfortable to put forth their ideas. I am not always successful.
I would hope that if you have something to say, you could say with a smile, “Hey, could someone else have a chance to say something here?”
My belief is that a better decision is made by a group than by an individual, so I do want to hear from everyone. I always make sure when I am running a group, that I include everyone, but when I am in a group, or with friends, if someone else asks a question….
Anyway, thanks for your reminder. It was important for me to hear just how far you are willing to go to get away from those “who think they know everything.”
- Nancy
August 24th, 2009 at 11:30 am
@Terry – Sorry Terry I totally missed your comment before. It’s a very good example you’ve given. Thanks.
There are a lot of newly immigrate kids who end up feeling insecure because of the language barrier. A good teacher that understands these issues is very important in those cases otherwise these kids may carry these same insecurities into their adult lives.
I’ve also found that people who really know a lot about a subject tend not to be arrogant but rather humble. And it’s actually a pleasure to listen to them because they do not put you down even though you might be totally wrong.
But people who’re constantly putting you down in order to build themselves up are the same people who’re still trying to prove to themselves that they are right. So, you’re right, it’s insecurity on their part.
@Nancy – I’m very impressed that you’ve actually recognized that about yourself. Even more impressive is the fact that you’re actually doing something about it i.e. letting others put forth their ideas even though they might be wrong.
This way you actually extract best ideas out of everyone without anyone having to fear that they might be judged.
Sign of a good leader!
August 24th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Nancy – it’s good that you realize this. Self realization is the first step (and the hardest I would say).
Ricky – when people try their hardest to convince you of something and put you down in the process to prove their point, then that is a good indication that person themself is extremely insecure and has a need for controlling people.
August 25th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
So it seems.
It was still good lesson for me to go through it. After interacting with people like those for a good part of my life at least I can always keep myself in check to make sure I don’t end up being like that.