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31 Responses to “Self conversation: Talk to your best friend”

1. Keith Braithwaite Says:
   July 8th, 2009 at 12:54 pm

   Ah, interesting. I think I used to do this when I was younger although it was more likely to be a conversation with God (but it runs in exactly the same way). I had forgotten about it.

   It’s a great idea. I seem to recall you can argue your points with yourself as if in a debate and this consolidates the situation in your mind. I find when you discuss something with another person you tend to polarise the position to make your arguement work. If you ARE both people you polarise both positions and understand both positions.

   It is like discussing with your best friend, as you say, who could also be God I suppose or your biggest best friend – you.

   I will go away and mull this over some more. Very useful.

2. Ricky Says:
   July 8th, 2009 at 8:44 pm

   That’s true. It could be God. Totally depends on how you feel about God. If your faith is not that strong in God it may not work for you.
   On the other hand if you believe God is someone very superior to everyone, you may not be able to talk out loud with yourself. That would mean God is speaking through you but to some people God is God and people are people. I know few people like that. But if your version of God is of source, of all knowing, filled with love then it would actually work very effectively for you.
   Whole thing is that whenever there’s something negative occurring in our lives or our minds we just let it be, never thinking that we have much control.
   So, actually anything we can do will help us, even a tiny bit.
   I remember just counting my negative thoughts during the day. That actually helped reduced the number of thoughts as well. So, just being aware of the negative thoughts helped as well.

3. Keith Braithwaite Says:
   July 9th, 2009 at 3:17 pm

   Yes, true, if it works – do it.

   I know this isn’t the place, but, just for the record, I have always had a humourous friendship with God. In other words, if anything wierd happens (and it happens a lot to me – coincidences etc) I look up and say ‘What are you up to now?’ If some good event happens (like a gap opens in a constant stream of traffic I’m trying to join) I say ‘Thank you, Lord.’ It’s nothing deep, but it is like the best friend you mention.

4. Ricky Says:
   July 10th, 2009 at 10:31 am

   That’s great Keith. As long as the idea of God is for you and not against you it is great.
   I think if you can have unshakable faith in God you can accomplish anything. Often faith in ourselves gets shaken but faith in something much greater than ourselves can often take us through the toughest of times.
   I throw out intentions all day long. I intend for smooth traffic flow, peaceful drive, to make a left turn easily, to merge into traffic safely, to arrive at destination safely and successfully and so on. And I often say thank you after my intention has manifested. You thank God while I thank the Universe but I think the idea is the same in both instances.

5. CP Says:
   July 14th, 2009 at 8:19 pm

   I think you’re both wrong. Instead of talking to yourselves and to non-existent beings, just do it. JDI. Or, in the words of the Morpheus character from the Matrix (1999), “stop trying to hit me and hit me”. All that to say: you’re wasting precious time and energy adding layers of articulated thinking over top of actions that you should be focusing on. Having a humorous chat with yourself, since there’s no evidence of the existence of any God, is cute, but it might turn into an unhealthy habit. And talking to ‘the Universe’ in an attempt to control events that are beyond your control is silly. Just try to be in the right lane at the right time. Focus on driving before you start endangering others. I’m saying this as a completely positive comment, by the way with no malice intended (sometimes netiquette is difficult to communicate across this cold medium).

6. Ricky Says:
   July 15th, 2009 at 8:20 am

   Hey CP,
   Interesting point of view.
   Thanks

7. Keith Braithwaite Says:
   July 15th, 2009 at 1:24 pm

   Yes, thanks, CP> You do raise some good points.

   Thank you as well for the stimulus to get this straight in my own mind.

   You are right, of course, that there are times when action is all that is required and I admit I have missed opportunities as a result. But I do think we need to tame what we are saying to ourselves (and the thought you just had saying ‘I don’t say anything to myself’ is what I mean). Once that is done, we can more faith in taking instant action.

   Driving is a great analogy. When you are initially unsure of your abilities, you drive more slowly and carefully (I hope) but, once you feel you have acquired a measure of competence, you can act more instinctively. There are plenty of outside influences in life telling you how useless you are so you need to ensure your own thoughts counter this. Self-talk and self-conversation do just that.

   Equally, not all decisions are clear cut. For example, I am going through a career change right now and a family member is telling me I should be afraid. Now, I could just ‘hit’, as you say, or I could stop and think, and discuss it with myself if necessary, and realise (as I have) that just acting would cause too much unnecessary damage. Instead, the correct reaction is no reaction.

   Hmmm, I hope this has shed a little light on where I am coming from.

8. CP Says:
   July 15th, 2009 at 4:30 pm

   The issue I’m having with what you guys are saying is that you’re acknowledging this conversation that’s going on in your mind. There’s an actual, articulate discourse going on in my mind at times, and I have a real issue with it because:

   1. our brain is not designed for us to talk to ourselves. It is capable of processing much faster than this and we’re just wasting its potential if we’re forcing our thoughts through a speech processor and then having it respond, etc. The brain is made to figure things out, not to play chess with itself.

   2. that said, I’ll acknowledge that what you’re doing is accepting this temporarily, while dealing with some negativity. In such cases, I will postulate that the one or two negative things that we’re faced with on a daily basis can just be ignored. Let’s say someone calls you an idiot. Well, you’re either an idiot, in which case you should not be affected by it because that statement is true, or you’re not an idiot and that statement won’t affect you either. Such statements will only negatively affect you if you’re called an idiot and you feel somehow powerless to change that person’s mind, you’re suddenly afraid that others might start thinking that as well and ultimately, you might actually become one. By breaking down your thought process this way, you’re actually figuring out that you’re not looking at a pattern, but at solvable isolated incidents that can be instantly dealt with without taking to yourself and saying ‘It doesn’t matter, dude. I still love you, man’ or similarly ridiculous stuff.

   3. finally, if such notions have any chance of getting emotional traction it is because of a tendency towards depression. That usually happens when you DO see patterns and you everything up to discover that you feel like crap. Talking to yourself only masks this, it doesn’t deal with it. You can’t bootstrap yourself out of depression by talking to yourself. You can only do that by interacting with others and successfully completing activities. Read this last sentence again.

   As for the notion of talking to yourself, to god, to the Universe, or to anything else, it doesn’t matter. You’re still being silly. They’re all one and the same. You’re an adult, wasting the potential of their brain and forcing it to perform the most insultingly demeaning tasks. Imagine buying a Cray supercomputer and instead of mapping climate change, you’re forcing it to simulate equal and opposing winds so you can observe the back and forth motion of the clouds, or air currents. When you’re in that situation, realize that you’re wasting time and you should be doing one of the following:
   1. creating something new
   2. finishing something you started
   3. sharing something that you *know with someone else

   *Note please that knowledge and belief are two different things. You can share your beliefs anecdotally with people, but to really preserve your credibility, you really need to avoid stating them as fact. By that I’m referring to statements like ‘God is everywhere and everything at the same time’. Instead, qualify it by saying ‘I haven’t had any time to look into this, but my priest and my parents have told me that God is an omnipresent, immaterial entity’.

   Before I dilute the value of this post further by forcing more topics into it than it deserves, I will wrap it up and hope you get something out of it.

9. Ricky Says:
   July 16th, 2009 at 8:58 am

   You’re not trying to control every single thought. If some circumstance makes you feel bad you do whatever you can to make yourself feel better. Again, not doing drugs or any pills of any sort. Sometimes having a good friend to talk to helps, sometimes a belief in God helps, a lot of people keep a journal and jotting down their thoughts help them resolve the conflicts, sometimes you talk to yourself.
   Athletes talk to themselves all the time.
   Also, you’re ignoring one huge factor. Everyone’s not raised in exactly the same way. Every single person, even in similar environment, gets conditioned differently and develops different set of belief system than the rest. Being called an idiot totally depends upon what it means to you. Besides who’s to judge that you’re an idiot? Idiot by whose standards? Why is there a need in a person to call another an idiot? But that’s besides the point…
   The only way you respond to something is because you’ve learned how to respond to it. If someone called you an idiot and it doesn’t mean anything to you, you would not be bothered by it. It’s only because you’ve learned to associate pain or pleasure with things that drive your behaviour and your responses.
   If when you were young and people called your parents idiots and they responded by being hurt, feeling negative or just lashing out at the person and if that was done on a regular basis, you might start to associate that behaviour with the term idiot. You might feel that that’s the way to respond whenever someone calls you an idiot. It’s not a conscious choice but gets associated subconsciously.
   Whenever I write I write from personal experience. You speak of depression as if you’ve been through it? If you have and you got out of it by doing exactly what you said then I applaud you. That’s wonderful.
   If you were in depression then you would also know that in that state it’s very difficult for you to get out and start interacting with others. It’s hard for you to even get out of bed. All you want to do is lie in bed all day long and at the most watch television.
   Ffrom being in depression myself and getting out of it successfully, I am sharing my own views. There were doctors who wanted to prescribe me pills when I got into depression but I refused. Only way I was able to get out of depression and eventually make something of my life was because I actually looked inside myself instead of the outside world. Only when I was able to change myself was I able to change my reality outside. I actually had to use a lot of self-talk to get myself to even get out of bed. But it worked. After using a lot of self-talk, affirmations, listening to positive tapes and watching positive videos was I able to feel good enough to start interacting with other people.
   It’s also this mentality of “just do it” that put a lot of people in depression. People are taught from an early age to take action and if something’s not working then they need to take more action, and more…
   Action has its place but that’s it! If you totally believe that you’re a failure and you can not possibly succeed then taking more action is only going to reinforce that belief because more than likely you’re going to fail again. You have to work at it slowly. You have to solidify your belief in success first. Once you actually start to believe that you can do it that’s when you’ll actually be able to do it. Otherwise it’s a hit or a miss. Even if you succeed you’ll still feel like you were just lucky that’s why you succeeded and it wouldn’t happen again.
   And I know at least one person personally who’s a millionaire right now who uses affirmations and self-talk constantly. Reason I know this is because I’ve been there with him from the very beginning. We used to try using different affirmations. He would have the affirmations written down and he knew how to apply them and eventually he started believing in them and today he’s doing quite well.
   Not only that but he taught his kids affirmations and you see all of his children saying to themselves “I can do it!”, “I always get an A in this subject!” and so on and every single one of children is doing extremely well in school. All A students. He never scolds any of his kids. He never feels the need to ever put anyone down either, whether family, friends or just strangers. He always encourages everyone. You can’t help but be uplifted when in his company. It’s a pleasure to spend time with him.
   Whether God exists or doesn’t is not the question here. It’s all about the belief in God. Like I mentioned before, if this belief helps you succeed in life then you should keep it but if having a belief in God actually causes you to feel pain, feel guilty, or cause pain to others you should drop that belief.
   If you believe that there’s a rational explanation for everything in life then that is your belief. That may or may not be the truth but just your belief and you will find tons of stuff to support that belief. If you believe there is God that helps everyone then that is your belief also and you will find tons of stuff to support that. It’s like wearing different type of glasses. You see world differently depending on what type of glasses you’re wearing.
   But in the end it comes down to this: what beliefs actually help you?
   I applaud people who take control of their lives and turn their lives around. Unless you’re one of those privileged people who’re born in the right environment with right set of parents and perfect circumstances around you, you’re going to need to install some positive beliefs in yourself consciously. You can do that either by using affirmations (but using them properly), or self-talk (this is just another way of using affirmations), or hanging out with positive people and so on. The point is you do something.

10. CP Says:
    July 16th, 2009 at 11:39 am

    Again, let me address your points with precision.

    1. Self affirmations are great, they work because they are both reminders of things you should keep in mind as you get through your day AND they bring clarity to your immediate and long term goals. No need to make them into anything they are not.

    2. I was specifically talking about back and forth verbal discussions with non-existent entities (i.e. hey God, why can’t I get a date? God: because you’re going through a rough patch and you need to smarten up, etc etc) about things we can’t control (i.e. traffic lights).

    3. I think the term ‘idiot’ certainly has different meanings to everyone who uses it.

    4. The term ‘belief system’ is defined as the basis on which beliefs are based. For example a religious belief system is based on faith and dogma whereas a scientific belief system is based on observation and reason.

    Unfortunately, belief and knowledge are completely different and often used in a completely insulting (i.e. to a rational human) or damaging (i.e. to a child) way. An example is when people talk about ‘teaching a belief’. Obviously, the term is to ’share a view’ of things and to teach a set of principles based on established knowledge, but most people who use that type of terminology are uneducated and irresponsible at best, but most likely malicious (i.e. evangelists, politicians who embrace religious doctrine, etc).

    5. Depression is an interesting and rich topic because it is defined in psychiatry and discussed in psychology. There are clearly two major types with infinite variations, but one type is the kind you never get over, and the other is the kind that eventually passes (i.e. loss of a loved one, break-up, loss of a chess game, chipped tooth, etc.).

    In ‘getting over things’ you need to realize that when you’re depressed, your mind will have a tiny attention span because it really wants to go back to feeling miserable. As such, you only have a limited window of opportunity to have an impact. Therefore you need to choose a simple strategy and inject it in there. A 1,2,3 rule, for instance, is a good thing to use. Pick three simple things to do to break the cycle. Pick one. Realize that you just need to do something (I like the idea of doing one thing I don’t want to do, first thing, every day). Understand how your physiology works (i.e. you need sunlight to feel better, you need water to hydrate your cells, you need exercise to get your endorphins going). If you can’t do one single thing, then it’s chronic and should be treated with medication, for instance, before you hurt yourself and others. Otherwise, simplicity is best.

    6. I like the interspersed smileys by the way. However, I didn’t get your point here: “It’s also this mentality of “just do it” that put a lot of people in depression.” The paragraph that follows didn’t make sense to me. It sounds like you need to lie in bed trying to make yourself believe things instead of trying to accomplish things. I think that is irrational and ineffective. Your millionaire friend didn’t get to where he is by lying in bed NOT getting things done, but by visualizing himself being successful, going out there and accomplishing tasks.
    As for his kids ‘I can do it’ sounds an awful lot like ‘Just do it’, so I think you’re starting to get this.

    7. I think the difference between the ways one chooses to live one’s life is the difference – rather than looking through different glasses – between seeing the world through a magnifying glass or seeing a reflection in a carnival mirror. I think it’s a shame to live a life that is not based on the richness of the cumulative knowledge of manking, but further, it’s a terrible crime to impose such ‘belief systems’ on young generations, as billions of people do daily.

    Again, I’m all for being open minded, but you owe it to your audience to learn all there is to learn from reputable sources, reconcile with science and if it makes sense, add it to your belief system and share it with others. To wit: this is the opposite of saying “I personally felt a breeze over my right shoulder the other day and I felt a presence in the room, so who am I to say that grandma wasn’t where with me that day? I think it’s perfectly possible and you can’t prove me wrong!”. That, for instance, is an idiotic comment.

    It’s also an extreme example, albeit one I am exposed to quite often. All this to say that there’s a difference between people sharing their strong views openly for the benefit of others and people maliciously making points that don’t make sense for the sole purpose of negatively impacting others.

    I myself, have a ton of things to do at the moment, for instance, but since you started an interesting topic of conversation, I hope someone will get something positive out of this thread, even if they disagree with portions of what we’re discussing.

    8. Your conclusion is a little confusing. I agree that everyone believes in ’something’ and because that something has a positive impact on them, they continue to believe it. That’s re-affirmation. I agree that because of this, it shouldn’t have anything to do with truth or reason. But unfortunately, unlike you, others feel it necessary to impose their UNFOUNDED beliefs on others and it leads to a celebration of ignorance in exchange for general illusory euphoria. I’m not talking about the difference between perceived reality from one person to the next. I’m talking about a scientific basis for belief, which is a much, much stronger, more positive and more beneficial way to live one’s life. To put it even more directly, instead of bouncing from one affirmation to another, using it until it loses its effectiveness then going to the next one, etc, choose to fundamentally understand the source of the problem and address it in a rational manner. Your brain knows the difference and it’s much easier to get it working properly by using knowledge and reason than by fooling it or kickstarting it with abstract and superficial comments thrown at it just to see if they’ll click.

    I really hope this is helpful, because I’m not trying to be a jerk here and to some degree, I appreciate the discourse, but we have to get to a level where the arguments we make have a solid basis in reason and accountability (to partially quote another movie).

    Have a wonderful day!

11. Keith Braithwaite Says:
    July 16th, 2009 at 3:10 pm

    Wow! What a great debate this is turning out to be. Two inspiring posts from both of you.

    CP, your analogy with computers is spot on. I believe the brain is the greatest computer (and more) and all we are talking about here is the programming of that computer. That is all self-talk, affirmations and visualisations are in their simplest form: programming. Mass programming can be used (eg Hitler: the Jews are the cause of all our problems or even advertising) or individual programming (as Ricky says, it is common amongst sportspeople).

    You are right to say the brain is far more than we know. There is so much we don’t know. I have published an article on this subject elsewhere. I believe I know the identity of God. God is actually every one of us – a mass consciousness, if you will – and the key is in our minds aomewhere. Come back, CP, don’t run off, you said it yourself “As for the notion of talking to yourself, to god, to the Universe, or to anything else, it doesn’t matter. You’re still being silly. They’re all one and the same.”. Why else would the Bible (and other religions’ books) say ‘Man is made in the image of God?’ Far from demeaning the brain, I think we are pushing further towards understanding its reality.

    AS for denying the existence of self-conversations and self-talk, I have noted at least three people I have come across in the last two days who were actually having a conversation with themselves under their breath and I don’t think any of them were mad or silly.

12. Rebecca Says:
    July 16th, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    CP,

    How old are you? Or, are you just utilizing something your shrink taught you on your 12 steps to effective action and time management? Just because one shrink tells you to do so..does not mean that everyone else is immature and unable to rationalize for themselves in a healthy way…the way you have obviously failed yourself.

    I suggest you shut down the mouth and actually try something that may help you one day. Just because you THINK you are above Ricky, does not mean that is the facts. What have YOU done to try to help others recently? I don’t mean money..I mean giving of your time, mind, emotions…in a way that teaches others without judgement or helps one to inspire or improve their life without feeling like they aren’t good enough to do so?

    AH HAH!!! Start there….you are wasting time in here…trying to come up with ways to explaing to us, that WE are wasting our time. As a matter of fact…the first exercise I read about…took less time I am sure; than it took you to type up your personally narrowminded rant about it.

    KUDOS RICKY..KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!
    Blessings,
    Rebecca

13. Rebecca Says:
    July 16th, 2009 at 5:02 pm

    Also CP, I would like to add and make another point.

    You argue that the most effective way to accomplish something is not to talk to yourself about it…but to just DO IT.

    It is apparent that you have set out to sabotage this thread. You have put it into action. Let’s wait and see how well that pans out for you. Perhaps if you had asked yourself…if this would work, you would have forseen, that without your proof that what some believe does NOT exist…not merely squawking out your “opinion”…you are no better than your judgemental persona makes the rest of us out to be. Just my two cents!

    I am so elated that you have put your “just do it” attempt into motion, so that the masses here in this blog, can see how effective your approach is…after all no better way to prove yourself than by “active demonstration”. Thank you for this!!

    Blessings,
    Rebecca

14. Terry Says:
    July 16th, 2009 at 7:57 pm

    Great article Ricky! Talking to ourselves is very important. Because we exist as beings in a world that is commercially driven, it is important that we “hear ourselves” and sort things through.

15. CP Says:
    July 16th, 2009 at 11:02 pm

    Keith,

    Good point. I hope you begin to realize, if you haven’t done so already, that man created God and not the other way around (Sorry if I’m stating the obvious and that happens to in fact be the point you were trying to make).

    And ‘blessings’ to you too, Rebecca. I have no idea what you are trying to say. I find Ricky and Keith to be pretty clear, which makes it possible for me to comment and thus have an intelligent exchange. Unfortunately your posts are incoherent to me (and I’m just stating a fact, not ‘judging’).

16. Rebecca Says:
    July 16th, 2009 at 11:23 pm

    ~If one chooses not to see, neither light nor glasses will help~
    German Proverb

    Condescending, yes. Judgemental? No. Those who believe in God and an afterlife and things of a spiritual nature (including talkin to ourselves)keep themselves humble and “likeable” because we prefer to trust there is a God, than become as one at the opposite of the specturm. God-sizing ones self..then following up with the inevitable “Cuz I said so”.

    Incoherence is a level of perception. Perhaps you are mirroring onto me. Whether or not my comment effects you, does not concern me. YOU do not effect me. You DO however, effect others..whether you are aware of it or not. I do want others to know that they are not alone in their assessment of your comments, tho.

    Perhaps talking to yourself sometime, you would realize how you really do present to others. I think you avoid the act, because you know you wouldn’t like yourself very much. “We are all merely victims of our own self worth” I don’t think it unreasonable to request we not have to be a victim of your self worth too. (Or your avoidance of assessing it for yourself)

    Fear of the truth, is the basis of most skepticism anyway.

    Blessings,
    Rebecca

17. CP Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 1:08 am

    Rebecca,

    I am suspecting that you’re by now discovering that I am pretty well grounded and that you should probably avoid attacking my character and me personally. I did not set out to confront you, because if I were to, for instance, choose to comment on your spelling and grammar, we would digress even further from the original topic. That said, I must confess, you were right the first time about my tending to be judgmental. It’s human nature. We latch onto cues and make assumptions. For example, illiteracy and incoherence happen to be hallmarks of ignorance and lack of education.

    I’m not pretending to “present well”, but I’m hoping that by actually reading what I’m writing, instead of aggressively attacking me personally, you will discover that I am actually communicating something that may be of value to some, even if they choose to do the exact opposite. But since you’re a self-professed ‘empath’, you already know this.

    I’m not a skeptic, I’m certainly not afraid of the truth and you certainly don’t come across as either humble nor likeable. So as far as demonstrating the benefits of ’spirituality’, c’est pas evident, tu vois!

    I will acknowledge that your belief system was beneficial in getting you through your medical issue and dealing with the recovery process but I will wager that the very reason why this was helpful is that you needed to step into an illusion and create an imaginary world where you could get away from your fears. However, adults know the difference between reality and make believe, and acknowledge it as such (as did Ricky and Keith above). At any rate, I do think that in such instances, make believe can be comforting.

    Be well. I think we’ve discussed this topic extensively and I leave it to someone else to wrap up.

18. Rebecca Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 1:24 am

    I have MRI’s to prove the healing that has physically taken place, as per my meditation and alternative practices. I did not need illusion to escape any fears. I created what I wanted through effective thought, energy work and meditation. I was once a skeptic, in many areas of alternative practices. And yes, my health issues did sort of push me into using alternative mental approach to something that physically was not being done for me by those who rely specifically on science, who stood there baffled and USELESS in my REALITY. Dumb luck fixed the major issues with expirimental procedure, and meditation fixed the stuff I went in for in the first place. I have stared death in the face..twice.

    You’ll have to excuse me for being on the offensive with someone who appears to lack the capacity to receive a miracle in their own life.

    I appreciate that you have taken the time to learn something about me.

    I will not argue any further. I apologize to have upset you, so.

    I will speak from experience, when I do say that “acting” got me science and frustration. Thought, got me thru. Thought healed me.

    Blessings,
    Rebecca

19. Terry Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 6:03 am

    Rebecca, thought can heal and it is wonderful to read your comments. Don’t apologize for being an open minded person. Best of luck to you!

20. Axyl Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 8:32 am

    Hey Ricky
    This is a fantastic article, I am going to get much benefit from practising this simple technique. thank you so much.

    Wow what an interesting debate in among these comments!

    I cant help but wonder what CP is doing on this website if he so intelligently proclaims a very differing set of beliefs.

    CP, we all humbly do what works for us as individuals so perhaps you could begin your own blog about things that people like you
    like to think and believe??

    Keep up the great blogs Ricky, you are inspiring and contributing much!

21. Ricky Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 8:54 am

    Hi everyone,
    I think we’re digressing from the purpose of this blog. I thank everyone for their comments and their views but it’s better if we just wrap it up:-)
    Or at the very least, no more personal attacks please.
    If something has worked for someone kudos to them and all the very best. I know miracles happen everyday. We also hear of people recovering from cancer by using positive thought and taking inspired action.
    And I’d like to believe in miracles. I myself would love to meet people who’re making miraculous recoveries despite everything in the world, or just science, might be offering explanations and proofs as to why it’s impossible.
    Thank you

22. Ricky Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 9:29 am

    Thanks Axyl

23. Ricky Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 10:15 am

    Wow, that’s amazing Rebecca! Good for you and thanks for sharing.

24. Ricky Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 10:25 am

    Thanks Terry

25. Ricky Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 10:34 am

    I know one author that made extensive use of this technique is Shad Helmstetter and he wrote about it in his book What to say when you talk to yourself.
    He was stuck at the airport one time where the flight was delayed for a long time. Everyone was frustrated and angry. He took this time to talk with himself out loud in public. He actually talked for hours and said it was one of the best conversations he ever had with himself. Not only that but he actually got a seat to sit and no one sat besides him! ahahaha…
    I just talk when I’m by myself and only when I’m feeling down.
    I recommend that book to anyone. It’s wonderful and goes into affirmations, auto-suggestion in much deeper detail and exploring all different forms of motivation as well.

26. lucy Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 10:37 am

    Hi Ricky
    Love your blog. You must be so proud to be able to incite such spirited conversations – good for you!

    A comment on talking to yourself: since so many of us, consciously or not, having a running internal conversation anyway, it makes perfect sense to take charge of it, turn it around and use it for good. Hearing oneself, be it by bringing awareness to our inner voice or by listening to our own responses to that which we don’t like, can be shockingly informative. We can notice that we have been exceptionally critical of ourselves or others and use that awareness to see what it is that has so threatened us.

    If we don’t stop occasionally to check in with our self, we run the risk of berating ourselves for behaviours that we could more simply choose to either change or accept. A simple example: I used to berate myself for lying on the couch eating chips. I became aware of my self-criticism and chose to accept that i do occasionally lounge and eat chips, and that it’s within the context of my healthy lifestyle. Now when i lounge about, i revel in the laziness. Another option, of course, would have been to give up chips and couches. Either way I win. Without listening to, and changing, my internal dialogue, i would have been stuck in self-reproach, which is a waste of energy. (For more on this, ref John Bradshaw, specifically “Healing the Shame That Binds You”)

    Thanks again for the inspiration – keep up the good work!

27. Ricky Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 11:00 am

    Hi Lucy,
    Thanks for the book name. I’ll be sure to check it out.
    I am really happy when people leave comments. I have learned so much from reading everyone’s comments on my blog as well. I think they really contribute to the blog and my own self development.
    Spirited conversations is one thing but getting personal is quite another. I value everyone who reads my blog, whether they leave comments or not. I just don’t want people to stop participating because they might be judged by someone else.
    I like your example of lying on the couch and eating chips. It is a good reinforcement to me to stop criticizing myself.
    If we are going to lie on the couch and eat chips we should do it without any guilt. We should learn to love ourselves for who we are. We’re so full of judgements and criticism toward ourselves because of this society that almost everything we do we feel bad or guilty.
    Thanks

28. lucy Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 11:21 am

    Thanks for your thanks

    In my experience people get personal when they are defensive, and defensive when their sense of stability has been threatened. This happens in personal growth when we are being challenged. (And it’s easier to be braver – and ruder – when not face-to-face, hence the prevalence of flame wars.)

    When you write a challenging blog such as yours, you will always have commenters whose peace you have threatened, who return regularly but with seemingly negative comments. I think those people put so much energy into their participation because you are challenging them. They are beginning to open a door to a different – and hopefully more successful – way of interacting with themselves and the world. If they found no use in what you write, they would read the blog once and fade away. Their persistence makes it obvious that they are interested, although they may hate themselves for it, and may feel a need to loudly refute you, your readers, and all thoughts and opinions expressed. It’s easy to succumb to responding negatively (“My way of thinking is superior to yours and you’re a big stupidhead”) than to encourage their interest. I guess negativity is a way of saying I’m interested but scared, please reassure me. I hear negative comments as requests for more info.

    With maturity comes the awareness that that which upsets us is about us; not the upsetting person or situation. Also with maturity comes the realisation that personal attacks rarely encourage others to see the brilliance and wisdom of one’s arguments

29. Ricky Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 12:20 pm

    That’s a great point Lucy. I am also learning that I am 100% responsible for everything in my life. If something or someone makes me feel bad or evokes any kind of negative emotion with in me, it just means there is something inside of me that I need to work on.
    It is an opportunity to grow. Like someone said “something we fear the most is something we need to conquer first!”
    And a lot of intelligent messages do get “lost in translation” because of the way they’re conveyed.
    I work with a lot of different people from totally different part of the world, different religions, different cultures and speaking different languages. I used to feel threatened whenever they would say something contradicting my beliefs about the world or just life.
    Then I started talking to them with interest and really started listening. They’re all great bunch of people who have families and friends. They are all brought up differently. It actually started to seem like an amazing opportunity to learn about different religions and cultures and see how different people would respond differently to same situation.
    If I find someone reading a book (I know they shouldn’t be reading books at work but should be working but that’s besides the point:-)) that totally seems like a waste of time to me, or goes against what I believe we should be reading etc, instead of feeling negative towards that person, now I actually am very curious and interested. E.g. a person of a particular religion but born and raised here in Canada might actually feel a little different towards somethings than a person of the same religion but from a different country. Isn’t that amazing?! A lot of core beliefs might be the same but there are certain differences.
    And I have found that no matter who it is, I always always can learn something from them if I actually take the time to listen to them. I know a lot of people realize this but I wasn’t always like this so it’s a revelation to me and I absolutely love it!

30. Keith Braithwaite Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 2:16 pm

    Well, I have certainly learned a thing or two here.

    I am also a fan of Shad Helmstetter, Ricky, and have a copy of the book. However, the topic of self-conversation is not discussed enough, in my opinion, and sources are very rare.

    Of course, people are the same all over the world (I, too, work with many nationalities and you meet so many online too) and have many different opinions. CP is right in saying God is created by man, generally to explain what we cannot. For this reason, different religions emerge. However, I think the point of this blog and others is to find the common natural law, if you will, that holds them all together.

    The discussions here have been firey at times but have brought us a little closer to that understanding. I am glad there are differing opinions that help the understanding. In fact that, I guess, is one of the facets of self-conversation; to understand ones own self-worth or direction it helps to discuss both sides with passion. It also produces an end conclusion (and insight) which is most satisfactory.

    I might add this process also helps you deal with criticism from others as you have already debated the point with yourself so can field the same arguements from other people.

    For my part, I would like to thank you all for the debate and, Ricky, I look forward to the next topic.

31. Ricky Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    Thanks Keith. Yes this has been a great learning opportunity

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