How to love yourself
“Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
What does it mean to love yourself? Especially loving yourself unconditionally? How can you show love to yourself? What is unconditional love?
Imagine you have a child, maybe 3 years old or so. Every single time you feel like criticizing yourself, imagine you’re talking to that child.
“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?” – Jane Nelson
If others criticize your child, what would you do? Would you also join in and start criticizing your child? Or would you protect your child and perhaps take him away from that environment or defend him?
If your child was going to go outside and play would you let him look like a slob or would you dress him up and make sure he looks his best?
If your child wanted to smoke, would you let him?
If you child wanted to stay up late and eat junk, would you let him?
What if your child just wanted to drink coffee?
What if your child just wanted to sit on a chair and watch tv all day long or just play video games?
What if your child just wants to drink alcohol?
What kind of food would you feed your kid?
Real love sometimes is soft and tender while at other times it’s firm and unyielding.
If your child wants to play, would you tell him that it’s a waste of time and he should be working on something that’s more productive instead?
If you child feels like laughing in public, would you tell him to shut up and not to embarrass you?
If your child is feeling hurt and is sad, would you tell him to stop being a sissy, be a man and suck it up and not to be so sensitive? Or would you comfort him?
If your child is learning a new skill, maybe learning to ride a bike, what would you do? Every single time he falls off the bike, would you say to him “You’re so stupid!” “You should’ve known better!”, “Just look at your neighbour’s kid and how he is already riding a bike”, “Can’t you do anything right?!” “People were right, you are no good!” “If you can’t ride a bike by now, why did you let me waste money on it!” “Look at how much time I’ve wasted teaching you already!” “You’re such a loser!” “What’s the point of learning when you’re going to give up anyways?” ”You always give up!” “How many times do I have to tell you not to do it this way?” “Do you know how hard I work to earn the money that you’re just wasting away?” “Why can’t you be more like so and so?”
Now imagine you’re saying this to your child. Reaaaaalllly take the time and imagine that! Would you do that? No, of course not! If you do do that then shame on you!
Then why do you do that to yourself?
You are your own best friend and if you continuously criticize yourself then what do you expect from rest of the world?
“If someone in your life talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you would have left them long ago.” – carla Gordon
And remember that when and if you’re totally alone, you only have yourself with you. If you don’t like yourself then it’s going to be very very lonely.
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” – Mark Twain
Next time you feel like criticizing yourself for anything, imagine you’re talking to a 3 years old child. There is a child within each one of us that’s hungry for love and appreciation. And it’s not love from others, it’s love from ourselves. If we can learn to love and accept ourselves as we are, we would not need approval from anyone else.
Related posts:
- Results of 7 day no gossiping challenge
- Challenges with affirmations
- What is Self-Respect?
- 25 ways to feel good right now!
- Self conversation: Talk to your best friend
- Procrastinating
- Results of one day no gossip challenge
- The Russian education system
- Gossiping quotes
- Examples of how to build Self-Discipline
Tags: love yourself, loving yourself
September 2nd, 2009 at 6:23 am
Absolutely spot on as ever.
I do know people who would speak to their child like that (and do)but then I suspect they do not love themselves either. So the argument stands.
September 2nd, 2009 at 6:50 pm
Actually I know a lot of people who talk to their kids like that and you’re right, they do not love themselves. It’s not really their fault as they’re the victims of victims and the vicious cycle is continuing on. But someone’s going to have to put a stop to it else it’ll continue for generations to come.
When we start thinking about how we talk to ourselves we can actually see how damaging that talk is.
I’ve always criticized myself but the only time I realized how hurtful it was was when I thought how it would sound if I said it to a little child. It sounded sooooooo bad! I could never ever imagine myself saying to a kid what I say to myself all the time. Kids are just so innocent, looking to us for guidance and understanding. Not only about the world but also about themselves.
But if I don’t stop that hurtful self-criticism then more than likely I’ll pass it onto my kids. So, I better stop it!
September 3rd, 2009 at 3:45 am
You have hit on another good point there. I have seen comments by other people saying things like ‘that’s just new age mumbo-jumbo’ but the reality goes deeper than most people realise.
I forget who said it but I love the quote “If you want to change the world, first change yourself.” Oh, I have a quote from Mahatma Gandhi too: “You must be the change you want to see in the world.”
I believe we impact everyone we come into contact with – not just children – and if we have our attitude in order (we love ourselves) that communicates to others. Thus we change their life in some way. Like it or not we influence the lives of people around us and they inluence those around them. Your attitude could become a pandemic!
Just a quick example: some years ago I used to play a game. I would go into a flower shop in the high street and buy a cheap but colourful bunch of flowers. I would then go out into the street and look for the first lady who was on her own (note: no big boyfriend in tow) and looking unhappy. I would then walk up to her and say ‘These are for you,’ give her the flowers and just walk away. I would have a quick look as I left and nine times out of ten the most amazing smile would come over her face. I’ll bet her day was better (and she had something to talk about!).
Remember this next time when you are tempted to tear somebody down. Love yourself so others can love themselves too.
Sorry, Ricky, I got carried away again.
September 4th, 2009 at 8:47 am
Yeah I always find it funny when people refer to this as “new agey” or “new age mumbo-jumbo”. I think people’re just so caught up in day to day lives that they don’t have time to devote to themselves. These are genuinely nice people but they are just busy going to work, raising kids, living day to day that this seems like too much work and too much hassle especially if they don’t even know if it’ll work.
It’s faith as well. If they see someone, that they know, actually getting better by doing something then they’ll have a little more confidence in that method. I can’t fault others because I’m guilty of that as well.
Best thing is to know what you want and then go for it. Try this, try that and so on until you figure out what works for you. Same goes for a goal and same goes for self-development.
That was a wonderful thing you were doing with flowers. Because of your small gesture who knows how many lives you actually touched. Every single thing we do has ripple effects.
This also reminds me of another story. I think it was a NLP practitioner who did this. Every once in a while when he was going through a drive-thru for a coffee shop etc he would pay for the person in the car behind him. Imagine the surprise on that person when he approached to pay for his bill to find out that an unknown person in front of him had already paid for him.
Interesting thing is that after about a year or so of doing this, same NLP practitioner was about to pay his bill when he was told that someone in front of his car had paid for him! Isn’t that amazing!! It had gone full circle and actually came back to him.
Oh boy… and you thought you got carried away!
September 10th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Both this one and your new article about respecting yourself were just wonderful. Your writing really captured and draws me in, you know how to make a point for sure!
September 10th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Thanks Rabbit. I just write from my heart and about my personal experiences. I am glad that you enjoyed it.