“Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
What does it mean to love yourself? Especially loving yourself unconditionally? How can you show love to yourself? What is unconditional love?
Imagine you have a child, maybe 3 years old or so. Every single time you feel like criticizing yourself, imagine you’re talking to that child.
“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?” – Jane Nelson
If others criticize your child, what would you do? Would you also join in and start criticizing your child? Or would you protect your child and perhaps take him away from that environment or defend him?
If your child was going to go outside and play would you let him look like a slob or would you dress him up and make sure he looks his best?
If your child wanted to smoke, would you let him?
If you child wanted to stay up late and eat junk, would you let him?
What if your child just wanted to drink coffee?
What if your child just wanted to sit on a chair and watch tv all day long or just play video games?
What if your child just wants to drink alcohol?
What kind of food would you feed your kid?
Real love sometimes is soft and tender while at other times it’s firm and unyielding.
If your child wants to play, would you tell him that it’s a waste of time and he should be working on something that’s more productive instead?
If you child feels like laughing in public, would you tell him to shut up and not to embarrass you?
If your child is feeling hurt and is sad, would you tell him to stop being a sissy, be a man and suck it up and not to be so sensitive? Or would you comfort him?
If your child is learning a new skill, maybe learning to ride a bike, what would you do? Every single time he falls off the bike, would you say to him “You’re so stupid!” “You should’ve known better!”, “Just look at your neighbour’s kid and how he is already riding a bike”, “Can’t you do anything right?!” “People were right, you are no good!” “If you can’t ride a bike by now, why did you let me waste money on it!” “Look at how much time I’ve wasted teaching you already!” “You’re such a loser!” “What’s the point of learning when you’re going to give up anyways?” ”You always give up!” “How many times do I have to tell you not to do it this way?” “Do you know how hard I work to earn the money that you’re just wasting away?” “Why can’t you be more like so and so?”
Now imagine you’re saying this to your child. Reaaaaalllly take the time and imagine that! Would you do that? No, of course not! If you do do that then shame on you!
Then why do you do that to yourself?
You are your own best friend and if you continuously criticize yourself then what do you expect from rest of the world?
“If someone in your life talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you would have left them long ago.” – carla Gordon
And remember that when and if you’re totally alone, you only have yourself with you. If you don’t like yourself then it’s going to be very very lonely.
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” – Mark Twain
Next time you feel like criticizing yourself for anything, imagine you’re talking to a 3 years old child. There is a child within each one of us that’s hungry for love and appreciation. And it’s not love from others, it’s love from ourselves. If we can learn to love and accept ourselves as we are, we would not need approval from anyone else.
